I always want to write some epic, well articulated prose to go along with these image heavy posts. I have a lot of thoughts, but I baulk when I try to put them down because I feel verbally noncommittal and embarrassed when I try to communicate in any way that isn’t intentionally obtuse. For someone who values written language and communication, writing feels so utterly terrifying to me. There is a joke about dance performers- we became body artists so we wouldn’t have to speak! I feel like this all the time- my kinesthetic and visual senses feel alive, find-tuned- ready to receive and transmit information. But my voice- as in the sounds that come from my anatomy, my spoken and written language- feels frighteningly underdeveloped. Growing up there were many times and situations in which I just stopped talking- I recognized my lack of control, and shutting down verbally was an act of protection and defiance. I still feel this today- a tightness in my throat, a fluttery fear when I have to answer an email, make a phone call, speak about something in public- I do all of these things because I am stubborn and don’t want to let on how terribly afraid I am. But I am afraid all the time.

Why am I writing about this? As an artist constantly trying to maintain the balance between developing my personal voice and being awake and aware of what is around me, I find myself struggling to communicate lately. There are social and political things happening in the world that are upsetting. There have been personal things that are upsetting. I’m trying to maintain a balance between personal integrity and honesty, as I see it- while also being aware of my tendency to stomp people’s faces with my truth when I feel I am not being heard. Maybe within the confines of creating, of writing/moving/capturing visually- there is safety and freedom to really be heard and communicate in a way that is safe for everyone. I suppose if I were to write a personal art manifesto for this moment, it would be thus- “Stomping your face, with love.”

Anyway, the first part of this summer was challenging, so when I had an opportunity to visit a friend in Hawaii it seemed like the perfect salve to my emotional hemorrhoids. And it was! Below are some images from the trip- obsession with beauty, space, landscape, light- simple things.

To tell the complete truth, my life is actually a total dream right now. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Traveling, seeing- finding that pathway outside of my own confinements and back again- is a glorious medication.

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First things, first: Breakfast. Kate, Kathy J., Tommy.